Okay, so it has beean a bit since I have written, but inspired by the delightfully wonderful movie that I have just seen, Julie and Julia, and because of the confusing, weird crazy shit that has been going on, I am once again commiting to writing this thing. Also, I think I may now have internet at work which means I can do something there besides knit in my free time.
So, the wonderful son moved out of the house and in with his girlfriend about six months ago. The delightful daughter got her own place about four or five months ago. Then was promptly laid off from one job and then her other. Thank God she had some money stashed, though that is quickly running out.......ugh. Me and the Hubsand promptly took to the car for two days of couples time road trips. Very enjoyable, though we quickly found out when your children fly the coop, it is not all road trips and happy time.
Recently I have been presented with the opportunity to purchase the book store that I have set up, been managing and already, for all practical purposes except the financial ones, think of as my own. I LOVE this store. I LOVE working there. I LOVE that I can walk to work. I LOVE that I can knit at work. I LOVE my customers and I LOVE books. I love the smell of them, all the different titles and covers. I love that every single book that you pick up, good or bad, no matter what genre, has its own little world ready and waiting for you. Isn't that a beautiful thing.
So, to sum up, one could say that the book store is my passion. So how often does one get the chance to follow ones bliss? Sure, it is a little higher than I would like to pay, but I am getting great terms from a boss/friend that I really trust. Sure, I will be taking over the business in the month of January when no one is shopping for anything, especially in a tourist town. I am sure I can probably weather Jan., Feb. and March. And, should I ignore that the last two winters have not been kind to my hubsand regarding work? That he has been unemployed off and on and if I buy the store, we will be without half of my income (I will still keep my two other jobs). How about the fact the we are helping my daughter out until she gets back on her feet. Or that if I buy the store we will probably NEVER have health insurance. Or that we pretty much, in a good month with all of our income, live moment to moment. Savings? Hah! That went last year when poor hubsand was out of work.
These burning questions have kept me up at night, left me crying at odd times and nearly sent me to the phone to call and say the deal was off. Except I have not. I really want it. I know that it is not going to be a business that will make me rich, but I really want it. It is never even probably going to be enough to live comfortably off of it alone. I do not care. I want it.
Now, if you knew me at all, you would know that I am not financially reckless. Yes, if someone screams road trip, I am in the car ready to go faster than they can dig out their keys. Yes, I was engaged two weeks after meeting my husband and we were married after knowing each other for a month. Yes, I am a spur of the moment, fl by the seat of your pants kind of gal. Except when it comes to money or financial decisions. Plus, I have this great sense of reposibility and a feeling that no matter what, I must make sure that EVERYTHING WILL BE OKAY. What a pain in the ass.
Now, bear with me becuase I am coming to the funny part. Not funny, haha. But funny as in, "What is someone trying to tell me!?!" So here goes. I have, as mentioned, been a little stressed about buying the business and being able to pay our household bills without my income. So, I decided to pray about it. I am not really a religious person, though I do beleive someboday smarter and wiser than I am is out there and I like to think he/she is looking out for my best interest. So I ask for some knid of sign. Is this the right thing to do? Am I putting the well-being, both financially and mentally, of my family at risk? The answer I got back? Well, this is the funny part..........
I thought I got a GO FOR IT!! I felt calm and settled in my decision. I felt excited about changes I could make to make it better for my customers, All-in-all, I felt happy and a sense of well being. I felt courageous. Like, for once in my life I should take a financial risk. I should jump and trust that if I tried really hard, everything would be okay. I was ready.
My daughters four pound dog jumped out of the car wrong and broke her leg. Off for an emergency vet call. Bright neon pink cast and a lovely vet bill to go with it. Perhaps even orthepedic surgery in the future. I had to get a special credit card to pay for it. Started feeling like perhaps my feeling that I was getting a cosmic high five to proceed with buying the bookstore was a little off. Went back to work and started feeling palcated again. BOOM! Less than a week later, I got home from work and my 15 year old puppy had a prolapsed rectum (HORROR of HORRORS). Off for an emergency vet trip and middle of the night rectum surgery with a two night stay at the doggie hospital. Oh, yeah, they also found some kind of tumor on her stomach. Could be fatty, could be cancer. Separating out the emotional side of this (of which there is a lot since I love my dogs like my children) just what excactly is he/she trying to tell me???
I feel like someone might be playing with me and / or I am to stupid to get the message. Is it the sense of well being that is the right message or the horrid pet emergencys causing financial ruin that is the answer?
P.s. I promise it will not usually be this heavy, or lengthy. And usually will probably have more to do with happier subjects. Like knitting.
Have a great day!